Love Online

P.S: This was a story I made when I was still in Grade 6 but this is the “Revised” Version.

Like most highschool girls, I was hoping for my knight in shining armor to walk up and sweep me off my feet. I had relationships with a few guys, and even managed to meet a couple of nice guys around here. But none of them was exactly right for me. All my friends had great boyfriends, so why couldn’t I seem to find one?

I had a boyfriend at the age of twelve and I took him seriously. So I was so devastated when he broke off the relationship. I was so sure he was to be my highschool sweetheart. I wanted someone who would call me each night and ask me how my day went. I wanted a boyfriend to take me on dates. After a couple of relationships, I grew tired of searching for a decent guy.

Every night, me and my friends chatted with each other on Yahoo Messenger. And that was where I met *Kristan.

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* Not his true name

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I met him when we chatted on YM. He introduced himself to me.

We became closer until he proposed to become my boyfriend, and I obviously said yes.

*Kristan and I got to know each other pretty well over the next few days. I was head over heels for him. Yet I knew he wasn’t the type I could bring home to my mom. He was a sixteen-year-old sophomore student, 3 years older than I was. I learned he liked smoking cigarettes and pot. I figured he had also been with his “share” of women.

My Christian mother would never go for him. It was out of character for me to fall for a guy like *Kristan. But I was lonely, *Kristan was cute, and I loved how he was a little sweet with me.

In the back of my mind I could hear the Holy Spirit warn, “Micah, he’s wrong for you, look at his vices, you will be in deep trouble.”

I pushed those thoughts from my head, ignoring what I knew was true. I was enjoying myself too much to be discouraged.

For another few days, things were going great. Although we don’t have much time for each other, we would chat with each other, and talk on the phone. I loved being *Kristan’s girlfriend.

Until one night, he inserted the topic “sex” in our conversations. I was shocked because he knows the circumstances, I was still thirteen and he was still sixteen. He even said he’ll marry me. That was were I drew the line, he was speaking about things that we shouldn’t have talked about in the first place. And if he really loved me, he would control his hormones and resist temptation to respect me. But he didn’t. When I broke up with him he called me a b*tch, cursed me using the words f*ck you and b*llsh*t. That was how he talked to me when I ended our relationship.

But ofcourse I was still hurt. But I ignored the pain. It was his fault and atleast I knew he was just some experienced dude who is crazy about sex.

I was embarrassed and angry with myself, I realized God was right. Why didn’t listen to Him in the first place? I knew He always had my best interests at heart. I let my loneliness get between me and God.

That night I made a promise to God and chose to take a step higher in my life. I got down my knees in my bedroom and rededicated my life to Him. Instead of searching out a boyfriend, I put my complete trust in God. I would “date” God until He brought someone into my life that was right for me.

After weeks I met another guy. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend but thanks to God, I was finally going to have one again. He was a guy who I was comfortable with, has respect for girls and made me happy every time.

This guy failed to sweep off my bestfriend’s feet but he turned out to be my knight in shining armor. He successfully swept me off my feet. Thanked God we fell inlove with each other.

Created this blog last December 4, 2009

Beautiful

I looked in the mirror and smiled.

He’ll finally see that I’m a girl who likes him. An ex-boyfriend of my bestfriend will definitely want to be my boyfriend.

But he didn’t. Instead he told my bestfriend to start over. It hurt, but I won’t tell anyone I’m inlove with him.

I grew up as an ugly duckling and finally felt like a swan when I had a boyfriend. Someone wanted me. Someone who said I was the most beautiful girl in the world.

That same someone tried to rip away my virginity. He kept urging me to have sex with him even if I don’t want to do it. Thank God I learned to say NO to the wrong things.

I didn’t feel beautiful anymore. I felt like trash.

But we still continued our relationship. He tried to force me again about the sex thing but still, I stand undefeated by him threatening me. But his anger escalated. He cursed me and kept on accusing me of flirting with another guy.

Then he told me, “Don’t even think about leaving me. No one else would want you anyway! I’m the best you’ll ever get!”

I believed him.

Until I got sick of him and broke up with him. After him, met lots of guys who treated me with respect. But none of them ever asked me out.

Maybe my ex-boyfriend was right. “Napagsawaan na ko”. No longer beautiful.

(But then my bestfriend’s ex and I are already having a mutual understanding. He respects me and does love me for who I am.)

It wasn’t after days later as I sat with girls of different ages, listening to them talk about boys and wishing they were beautiful, that I started to grasp the truth.

No one could make me feel beautiful.

One of the girls talked about her dad. “My dad says, ‘You used to be so cute. What happened?’ ” Tears streamed down her beautiful chocolate skin. She didn’t think she’d ever be beautiful.

I knew differently. She was already beautiful. She just didn’t believe it.

Then I asked a question. “What are you trying to get when you dress to impress a guy?”

Their eyes grew wide. I waited.

One girl spoke up. “I like to dress nice. The boys notice and it feels good inside.”

“But what happens when he decides someone else looks better?”

“It hurts.”

“Yes it does.”

I spent my teen years trying to get someone to love me any way I could. I wanted their attention and their words to make me feel beautiful.

What I’ve finally received in the deepest part of my heart is that our eternal need to be loved, to be beautiful, will be satisfied first in God. Or it won’t be satisfied at all.

So I’m taking a U-turn and encourage people to take our questions to God, not to boys, or anyone else for that matter. It’s pretty amazing to see the light in the eyes of girls as they hear God answer their questions with, “Yes! I see you. You are beautiful. You are mine and you are loved.”

I’m starting to see that light in my own eyes, too. I remind myself that I am beautiful in God’s eyes. His eyes see me first thing in the morning and on bad hair days.

And He still says I’m beautiful.

Created this last December 4, 2009